Making Decisions for Others - Mike's Photo and Thoughts Website

One of the things that I see from time to time is a certain aberration of behavior that I do not fully understand.

Someone asks advice or poses a question to another. Before they can reply, a third person gives an answer.

A example of this is: Someone asks a person how he or she feels. Her parent or friend answers the question before the asked person has a chance to speak.

Perhaps the worst example of this is a mother or father making all of the decisions for their child. This is to be expected when the child is very small, but it must lead to resentment or anger when he or she gets older, especially as they approach their teen years.

It tells the person who has been asked the question that he or she is less capable of answering the question than the one answering it. As bad or worse, it robs one of obtaining the skill to think or to judge well for themselves.

Everyone does this or has had it done to him or her. This probably caused nothing more than some temporary irritation. However, I feel that if this occurs on a constant basis, it can cause deep feeling of resentment, loss of self-confidence and the retarding or even loss of normal mental growth and maturation.

So what should one do? I think that my parents had it right. We were raised with what my father called, “Watchful Neglect.” In other words, we made our own judgments and got into our own troubles. Then we learned from those errors. My parents were there to help and guide us if our choices were too stupid or dangerous.