Some would think of him as a man yet others a boy. He was only twenty years old and had asked his girlfriend of three years to marry him. She was both a little girl and a woman. Yet they reached that point that they both knew that they were in love and wanted to marry.
His mother called me last night and told me of the good news. I showed happiness but in reality, I was worried and almost frightened. I knew of couples who married at a young age and the difficulties that they had. I remembered the statistics that showed a huge failures rate of marriages among young people. Part of me wanted to tell my friend that this was a bad idea and that they should wait. But after a bit of thought I realized that would be folly.
I cannot tell the future. I cannot predict who will succeed and who will not. Even the best of marriages fail and the worst succeed. I wondered how does one really know if this person is really the one they want to spent their lives with. Marriages filled with reason and supported with family can be dull and unfulfillable while those where two kids eloped and the girl was pregnant have been known to be overflowing with love with excitement. Monied marriages can be sad and poor married couples can be very happy. I have seen people look for that perfect soul mate and never find their goal. Yet, I have seen the two most incompatible people that I can imagine be happily married to the point that when one dies, although alive, the other no longer lives.
My memories brought me back to the stories that my parents used to tell me about when they were young.
My father met my mother when he was sixteen and she was fourteen. He was immediately in love and she was with him soon after. For the next several years, they saw no one else. Finally at the age of twenty-one, dad asked his nineteen year old girlfriend to marry him.
They eloped. When they returned home, the family cried with sorrow and disappointment. They told my parents that they were too young, the marriage wouldn't last and that Dad would never finish his education. Dad finished college and the marriage lasted seventy – three years until my father passed away.
Their marriage was filled with love. Even in their nineties, I would walk into their apartment and find Mom sitting on Dad's lap. My mother would never go to sleep without my father in bed next to her.
So now I ask myself, what makes a marriage work? Is it age or is it love and respect. Is is money or is it the desire to care about your beloved's wishes and make them yours. Is it compatibility or is it the importance of both people working together to make their marriage work.
Each person must make those choices and more. Sometimes the first choice proves to be right and other times one has to change his or her choices over and over again never finding the right one.
Hopefully this young couple will make their right choices and live long and happy lives